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The GGNRA unveils the key component to its 2012 Compliance Based Management Strategy

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Norman
Jake
Brent
Supt. Brian
Arthur

Plater's Eco-Nuts
(They sing, they dance, they lie and they "negotiate" rulemaking)

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The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Do Not Use Computers...

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows XP/Vista.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon is very frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www . pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Do Not Use Computers...

1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.*

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Courtesy of Mark Brown

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Dog Poetry
Courtesy of Merrill Markoe and YouTube.com

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Excerpted from the guide "Career Paths in the NPS"

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Watch George Carlin take on extreme environmentalism

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Why We Love Dogs
Courtesy of YouTube.com

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GGNRA Designates Alcatraz Island as New Off-Leash Dog Area
(posted June 9, 2005)
 
In the wake of their landmark legal defeat in United States Federal Court on June 2, 2005 (i.e., U.S.A. v Kieselhorst, Barley and Sayad), in an unprecedented move, the GGNRA invoked a little known and rather obscure procedure known as "Expedited Negotiated Rulemaking". The result: Alcatraz Island has been officially designated as the one and only off-leash dog area within the GGNRA.
 
When asked for comment, an unidentified GGNRA spokeswoman stated, "I'm glad that we [the GGNRA] can finally bury the hatchet with this small, but vocal, special interest group of off-leash recreation nut-cases. Although we still have a few details to work out, I'm confident that our proposal will satisfy even the most cynical of that bunch." When asked what specifically these details were, she continued, "The CFR [Code of Federal Regulations] strictly prohibits public usage of off-road or marine recreational vehicles within National Park Service properties. Since we [the GGNRA] have absolutely no intention of providing transportation to and from the island for the dogs and their owners, that would leave swimming as the only option for the park-goers to access the Alcatraz facility." "However," she was quick to point out, "this should not be a problem for all of those whiny Crissy Field and Ocean Beach dog people who constantly complain that we are not providing adequate aquatic recreation for their dogs and themselves. And, as for those Fort Funston cry babies, I am confident that the former maximum security prison will offer all of the amenities of their little Doggy Disneyland!"
 
It would seem that this would be the perfect win-win solution to what has become a public relations nightmare for the GGNRA. After all, in the eyes of the GGNRA, what could be a better place to relegate dogs and their owners to than the former prison site, entrenched with the intimidating medieval artifacts of restraining walls and bars, surrounded by the unforgiving and treacherous currents of the S.F. Bay, devoid of habitat, ignored by even the most strident environmentalist?
 
Wait... What? This just in: The Center for Biological Diversity (CBD) has filed suit against the GGNRA claiming that the Birdman of Alcatraz had provided care for Snowy Plovers occupying the island during his incarceration several decades ago. It is CBD's contention, therefore, that the entire island be designated an "Extra Special Protected Habitat" for the Plover, therefore necessitating the complete ban of both humans and dogs from Alcatraz. Never mind... 

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Ranger Rover

New Superintendent Declares  Entire GGNRA Open to Off-Leash Recreation!  (posted May 22, 2005)
 
When questioned as to why he made this dramatic change to the controlling 1979 Pet Policy, the head ranger responded: "It's about time we [the GGNRA] ate some of our own dog food".  When asked what exactly did he mean by that, the head ranger replied: "No comment".

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The Great Escape
Courtesy of Merrill Markoe and YouTube.com

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Mr. and Mrs. S. Plover

The real reason the Snowy Plover is no longer breeding...